Guest Blog: Twitter: Relationship Heaven or Relationship Hell

This is my first blog. I am not a very confident writer, so I hope you all like it, if so I will blog again, if Liam allows.

For those of you who know me, you'll know all about my somewhat up and down relationship status.  Twitter is perhaps having an effect on this.  I wanted to write this blog about the effects on love that twitter clearly has.  My boyf does not read this, or use twitter. 

Before joining the twitterverse, I, like most people, who are not on twitter, could not see the point.  Why would someone want to write 140 characters.  However, I was wrong and quickly became addicted I started to build up those people who I now follow.  Weirdly I guess I start to like these people, whom I don’t really know and develop what can only be called a #twittercrush on some of them.  This cannot be a good thing – surely?

So, to the point.  I think that #twittercrush can cause relationship hell.  I see hot blokes everyday when I drive down the street or in the gym.  I don’t want to sleep with them, but I wouldn’t mind seeing them with their tops off.  If I asked them for this, I’d probably get punched, I would laugh if someone wanted to see me semi naked.  On twitter this rule doesn’t apply.  We all know of people on twitter who rarely wear much.  Good for those men, I encourage their confidence.  I flirt, tell people they are hot, play #hottieornottie and naturally start to want those bodies for myself (sometimes even the heads attached to them to be my real friends).  I encourage people to show me their chests and flirt.  Is making me want more than my bf?  He isn’t necessarily right for me, but am I becoming unrealistic as to what I really want and should be looking for?  Is twitter giving me unrealistic expectations and really not helping my already problematic body dimorphic image of myself.

Some couples are both on twitter, some probably open and flirty and some just because they like it and some of the attention (come on guys I love attention too) or perhaps because they enjoy twitter. It is so nice to see couples, who are completely in love, although a little sickening reading them chat to each other about what always appears the perfect life.  It can also create that #crushfail when you realise that the 2 blokes you’ve been chatting up are actually together.  I want their relationships, the laughs that they share with everyone else.  Don’t get me wrong, I do not want them or want to be them, I am just jealous of what it always appears that they have. 

Please don’t think I’m stupid, I’m not, I have a brain, a lot of friends and good emotional intelligence.  I know that all relationships are not what they seem.  I just wish that I would be stronger at not believing that they are just “perfect” and never doubt themselves.  I guess it is just a case of expecting perfection which just does not exist. 

For those people who live in genuine #relationshipheaven I am truly pleased for you.  For those of you who are genuinely in #relationshiphell but pretending I feel your pain.  Twitter is a place for fun and building up a #twittercrush, but in my opinion it cannot be a place where you can honestly judge the state of your relationship. 

TwitterFlirt

When I first joined twitter I wasn't quite sure what to expect - would people being making insightful witty remarks, or just constantly making mundane statements about "doing the shopping" - what I didn't expect was all the flirting.

I have followed mainly gay men, and I have followed porn stars and picture-sharers so I knew there would be a degree of sex in my timeline, but I thought this would be detached and very little interaction. And at first any flirting was light hearted and jovial - pleasant exchanges of "nice pic" - casual references to each other being a hottie, sexy, cutie - all of which are very nice to hear - I have to admit I felt good to have people I didn't know and rated as being attractive flirting with me gave me an ego boost.

Then the next step - I mentioned my boyfriend and to some it stopped the flirting dead, to others it was like a red rag to a bull... I found both responses quite interesting as to those that stopped outright it was as if at the mention of a boyfriend I had immediately stopped being a sexual person, and some even seemed a little hostile - like I should be the first thing I say - almost like I had wasted their time talking to them on twitter. Whereas those that seemed to enjoy me having a boyfriend seemed obsessed with threesomes, about me being "naughty" (err I am not 5... I stopped being "naughty" a long time ago), and seemed to think I was open to just about everything (I can confirm I am not). And both reactions came from people of various ages, in couples and singles... but more often I found the singles would be hostile and the couples would be more direct.

I have no problem with this at all - all these reactions are completely normal and understandable - but what shocked me was that it was from Twitter... because although I have seen some flirting on it in my early days it was mainly among groups or people that I assumed were actual friends. The only two problems I have are:

• that its all done a bit undercover and its almost like we are hiding that we are in fact flirting with each other...because if I were to tweet "I am horny" then I reckon  most serious responses would come back as a Direct Message rather than a Public Reply... and yet there is nothing wrong with it boys - admittedly Twitter isn't Grindr and shouldn't be used as such, but a bit of open flirting is fun and harmless, so just because I have a boyfriend don't assume I am dead from the waist down, and just because I am flirting with you don't think I have a sex dungeon and will be willing to be tied to the chandelier, or in fact I will do anything with you other than have a drink... its fun to flirt... and it don't hurt anyone.
• the more offensive thing to me is when people will flirt with some but then turn into Mary Whitehouse when others flirt with them. I understand some single people might not like people in couples flirting with them, but just stop flirting, don't clutch at your pearls and declare that no such thoughts every pass your virginal mind. And if it's just because you don't fancy them then I think it's even worse... so someone that you don't fancy is flirting with you - they are not buying the wedding rings... so if you cant bring yourself to flirt back then at least don't cut them off and then start flirting with the Hotties.

I have realised that everyone flirts and some people get quite "into it" on Twitter but lets not be embarrassed, lets just enjoy it. It's only twitter.