Guest Blog: Twitter: Relationship Heaven or Relationship Hell

This is my first blog. I am not a very confident writer, so I hope you all like it, if so I will blog again, if Liam allows.

For those of you who know me, you'll know all about my somewhat up and down relationship status.  Twitter is perhaps having an effect on this.  I wanted to write this blog about the effects on love that twitter clearly has.  My boyf does not read this, or use twitter. 

Before joining the twitterverse, I, like most people, who are not on twitter, could not see the point.  Why would someone want to write 140 characters.  However, I was wrong and quickly became addicted I started to build up those people who I now follow.  Weirdly I guess I start to like these people, whom I don’t really know and develop what can only be called a #twittercrush on some of them.  This cannot be a good thing – surely?

So, to the point.  I think that #twittercrush can cause relationship hell.  I see hot blokes everyday when I drive down the street or in the gym.  I don’t want to sleep with them, but I wouldn’t mind seeing them with their tops off.  If I asked them for this, I’d probably get punched, I would laugh if someone wanted to see me semi naked.  On twitter this rule doesn’t apply.  We all know of people on twitter who rarely wear much.  Good for those men, I encourage their confidence.  I flirt, tell people they are hot, play #hottieornottie and naturally start to want those bodies for myself (sometimes even the heads attached to them to be my real friends).  I encourage people to show me their chests and flirt.  Is making me want more than my bf?  He isn’t necessarily right for me, but am I becoming unrealistic as to what I really want and should be looking for?  Is twitter giving me unrealistic expectations and really not helping my already problematic body dimorphic image of myself.

Some couples are both on twitter, some probably open and flirty and some just because they like it and some of the attention (come on guys I love attention too) or perhaps because they enjoy twitter. It is so nice to see couples, who are completely in love, although a little sickening reading them chat to each other about what always appears the perfect life.  It can also create that #crushfail when you realise that the 2 blokes you’ve been chatting up are actually together.  I want their relationships, the laughs that they share with everyone else.  Don’t get me wrong, I do not want them or want to be them, I am just jealous of what it always appears that they have. 

Please don’t think I’m stupid, I’m not, I have a brain, a lot of friends and good emotional intelligence.  I know that all relationships are not what they seem.  I just wish that I would be stronger at not believing that they are just “perfect” and never doubt themselves.  I guess it is just a case of expecting perfection which just does not exist. 

For those people who live in genuine #relationshipheaven I am truly pleased for you.  For those of you who are genuinely in #relationshiphell but pretending I feel your pain.  Twitter is a place for fun and building up a #twittercrush, but in my opinion it cannot be a place where you can honestly judge the state of your relationship. 

What's the rush?!

The boys (and men) desperate for a boyfriend

Many would say, “what do you know, you’re a smug couple person, and only ever had the one boyfriend” but I still am shocked by the desperation of some guys to find a boyfriend to “make them happy.” Do the boyfriends you are looking for have a magic wand (don’t answer that) – I mean do they have the ability to make everything work out?

I have single friends (male and female, gay and straight), and I have couples (male and female, gay and straight) and it seems that there is a specific group of gay boys that think that by having a boyfriend you will somehow be complete, happy, and all problems will dissolve. This concept baffles me because, ok, I have only had one boyfriend, but we are getting on to 5 years, and we have had to work at it. It’s been far from a hedonistic bliss of delights – and I know he would say the same. It’s been lots of hard work, sacrifices, dealing with and doing things you don’t want to do, compromising, and arguing.

I agree single people do have some issues that couples don’t encounter -  I don’t feel lonely on those cold winter nights, but trust me if you are going to your partner’s Aunties Christmas party where you will get ‘the look’ from the cousins, the Uncle that is “dubious at best” gets to feel you up as he says hello, the brother gets to give his usual arch comment that make you want to stab out his eyes – then you might look at those lonely nights-in as blissful chances to watch whatever you wanted without consultation, negotiation, a public enquiry and a submission to The Holder of the Remote.

Also I don’t know how to put this delicately… but the reek of desperation is never going to entice a nice young man. When out and about you can tell those happy having a night out for a laugh, and those on the mission to get some, and the those on the mission to find the “one” – the angry manic look of appraisal – as they judge you for potential boyfriend material. This is not a good look.

Also these boys when in a relationship seem to fall for all the bad eggs out there and let us not kid ourselves there are a lot out there. There are the users, those that lead you on to get in your pants, those that want a new play thing, the abusers, and the down right idiots. Because they are on the hunt for a relationship that will solve all their issues that at the first hint of a relationship they jump in with both feet…

The number of times I have said to my friends “how do you find these idiots?” – after “going out” for less than 2 months they tell you they are going back to Egypt for 6 weeks, but you find out he is still in his flat in London chatting to guys online; or they let you down constantly and for no reason; they constantly criticise what you do, wear, eat, look like… and yet you want to defend them because you think this person is going to make you whole? He isn’t.

So my suggestion is: go out, have fun, let it find you – and don’t just take what is offered, or force it, and make sure they are not using you…. Then jump in (because you will anyway so there is no point in me telling you different) – but most of all enjoy being single because when you’re not single and you’re at The Family Party you will regret it.