What's the rush?!

The boys (and men) desperate for a boyfriend

Many would say, “what do you know, you’re a smug couple person, and only ever had the one boyfriend” but I still am shocked by the desperation of some guys to find a boyfriend to “make them happy.” Do the boyfriends you are looking for have a magic wand (don’t answer that) – I mean do they have the ability to make everything work out?

I have single friends (male and female, gay and straight), and I have couples (male and female, gay and straight) and it seems that there is a specific group of gay boys that think that by having a boyfriend you will somehow be complete, happy, and all problems will dissolve. This concept baffles me because, ok, I have only had one boyfriend, but we are getting on to 5 years, and we have had to work at it. It’s been far from a hedonistic bliss of delights – and I know he would say the same. It’s been lots of hard work, sacrifices, dealing with and doing things you don’t want to do, compromising, and arguing.

I agree single people do have some issues that couples don’t encounter -  I don’t feel lonely on those cold winter nights, but trust me if you are going to your partner’s Aunties Christmas party where you will get ‘the look’ from the cousins, the Uncle that is “dubious at best” gets to feel you up as he says hello, the brother gets to give his usual arch comment that make you want to stab out his eyes – then you might look at those lonely nights-in as blissful chances to watch whatever you wanted without consultation, negotiation, a public enquiry and a submission to The Holder of the Remote.

Also I don’t know how to put this delicately… but the reek of desperation is never going to entice a nice young man. When out and about you can tell those happy having a night out for a laugh, and those on the mission to get some, and the those on the mission to find the “one” – the angry manic look of appraisal – as they judge you for potential boyfriend material. This is not a good look.

Also these boys when in a relationship seem to fall for all the bad eggs out there and let us not kid ourselves there are a lot out there. There are the users, those that lead you on to get in your pants, those that want a new play thing, the abusers, and the down right idiots. Because they are on the hunt for a relationship that will solve all their issues that at the first hint of a relationship they jump in with both feet…

The number of times I have said to my friends “how do you find these idiots?” – after “going out” for less than 2 months they tell you they are going back to Egypt for 6 weeks, but you find out he is still in his flat in London chatting to guys online; or they let you down constantly and for no reason; they constantly criticise what you do, wear, eat, look like… and yet you want to defend them because you think this person is going to make you whole? He isn’t.

So my suggestion is: go out, have fun, let it find you – and don’t just take what is offered, or force it, and make sure they are not using you…. Then jump in (because you will anyway so there is no point in me telling you different) – but most of all enjoy being single because when you’re not single and you’re at The Family Party you will regret it.