Deep Dark Past 3…
 
I realise I am probably getting some negative reaction because I am seemingly glamorising cruising both outside and online. Even though both my stories ended in a bit of heartache – they also ended in a bit of jiggy-jiggy and everyone ended up moving on. However there have been darker times, where it didn’t end up all hunky dory, and so I thought I would share some of those to show I do realise its not a playground of delights – I will try to keep these short and sharp, some are just observations and some a mini-tales:
 
1. The Waste of Time
 
This clearly had to feature – who hasn’t logged on for 20minutes only to find that 7 hours later they are still starting the same inane conversations and coming up with nothing. Or on a cold cruising area, walking around and around and getting nothing.
 
2. The Timewasters
 
I have already admitted I have let people down online because things do come up, and sometimes you get a better offer – it always makes me smile the indignant reaction you get you cancel, and I think ‘oh the hypocrisy – I am sure you have done it too.’ Let’s face it we all do it, we shouldn’t, but we do – so there isn’t a lot you can do. I have been left standing outside a restaurant for 3 hours when I was 16 before… that wasn’t fun – so I do understand. I always think that everyone should confirm as near to the time as possible and if you aren’t going to go through with it you should cancel.
 
3. The Rejection
 
This never really bothered me but I know it kills some people – if I were to turn up at someone’s door and they thought ‘oh no, I don’t fancy you’ – I would much much rather they told me and then I can get back on the road. Don’t get me wrong my pride was bruised but I would rather that than go for it and it just not work. (Caveat – this only happened 3 times). But it does hurt and isn’t pretty.
 
4. The Forcible Ones
 
If you refer to my two earlier this mini-story seems somewhat ironic… but:
 
Whilst at Uni, I had invited a guy from G’dar to my room and he had come over. I wasn’t overwhelmed, but at the time I wasn’t at all fussy, so I thought ‘why not?’ As we started to get into it he started to become more and more forcible, really pushing his weight around and not in a kinky way, but in a rapey one (sorry if that offends.) I wasn’t pleased because at the time I was slutty but I was totally vanilla, and I had made that abundantly clear. It got to a point where he had me pinned to the bed and it looked like I was quickly losing control of the situation, as saying “no” no longer seemed to work, and to top it off (or me) he seemed to be into asphyxiation too – bad times.
 
So panic set in and I thought ‘I can’t scream as that is overdramatic, and he could stop me, also I doubt anyone would come!’ so I quickly gasped, “I need the toilet” – he seemed a bit puzzled, but released me slightly and said, “what?” – I said “I am busting for the toilet, let me just go, and we can get right back onto it” – so he literally shrugged and got off of me. The wave of relief was immense – I scooted off the bed, kicked my clothes into the bathroom and grabbed my phone as I went… trying to look casual and came out 2 minutes later fully dressed and said “I think you should leave.”
 
I don’t think he would have raped me but I will never know. He didn’t seem the type, but then who does. But when I was younger I often had the problem of men thinking that because you agreed to sex they could do whatever they wanted.
 
5. The Strawberry Yogurt
 
This is a very particular scenario, so some of you may not recognise it. But I was young (17), incredibly incredibly naïve, and desperate… (Apologies if like me you cant eat Strawberry Yogurt ever again):
 
This was probably my 4th or 5th experience with a man, my first having gone horribly – as I was taken to a wooded area by 35yo married man and he gave me a bj – not the best and not the worse, but due to the nerves I had a nose bleed… it was not a good look. Anyway, I got over it and I got back on the horse, so to speak, and I arranged a few more meets, and they were ok. However at the time I was yet to find G’dar, and so was still cruising AOL chat rooms, which retrospectively was full of perverts.
 
He (we’ll call him Dave – no idea what his name was) sent me a pic and he seemed ok, he did say that he had put on a bit of weight since then; I explained I was new to it all, he was lovely, really caring, asking loads and loads about me. I wasn’t so naïve to tell him the truth, so I lied and told him I went to a different school, and I worked somewhere else, but similar enough that I could fudge the details.
 
I explained to Dave that my parents didn’t know, so I told them I was going to work, so I could be out for a few hours (first school boy error) and he said to come on over. I got there and yeah he was a little bigger, but he was friendly and warm – sure he had a bed in his front room – but surely that’s just convenient right? No Liam, it’s down right wrong I hear you scream. So he is slowly putting the moves on and like I say I am desperate so I go with it, and quick as a flash he has me naked and on the bed – sadly I hadn’t noticed the dressing gown chord looped over the headboard… and before I knew it I was being tied to the bed-post… this didn’t overly bother me, and I still felt in control, he wasn’t being weird or forceful… just quick really… he was all over the place… and before I knew it there was the Strawberry Yogurt… actual strawberry yogurt – a big pot - now I will save you the graphic details but he liked to have men lick strawberry yogurt off his body – unfortunately he didn’t smell too fresh on closer inspection, and he was quite hairy (and I like hairy men) but sadly this didn’t work with yogurt….
 
Needless to say I have never eaten strawberry yogurt since and have a rule of no food and sex. Afterwards though he also got a bit stalkerish and weird… and then texting and ringing constantly… and then telling me he was going to meet me outside school and tell everyone I was dirty fag unless I did what he wanted. So needless to say I never contacted him again.
 
6. The Navel Issue
 
This is a favourite amongst my friends… and with good reason…
 
I had met the gentleman twice before, and he was fine, fairly pedestrian, but always willing, and I felt safe…
 
As I had been temping at a hell hole of a job for 4 days, and I knew I couldn’t go back the next day as I would kill myself. I spent my last few hours in the office on G’dar, hoping I might be spotted and sacked… instead I saw this guy, he invited me over, and I went. To give the guy a bit of back story, he worked in the Cathedral, managed the choir, seemed harmless and was into very basic things. Fine.
 
However this time when I got to his flat, he had drawn all the curtains… and it was virtually pitch black. But once again I didn’t worry and I was too polite to ask why, so we get down to it… we started off fairly normally kissing etc, and then he dropped his pants, and I went to work… and then I noticed it. It was one of those moments where you become aware of something, and you think “what’s that? …. Hmmm what is that? …… sweet mother of mercy and all that is good what is that?”
 
Starring me straight in the face was a massive bulbous bellybutton – that definitely hadn’t been there before – it was like the shape of a golf ball (with hindsight it was probably a hernia) but it killed my mood dead. Stone dead.
 
I pray to god none of you have suffered that but I am sure you have come across some oddities whilst out in the community.
 
7. The Pickpocket
 
I was pick pocketed whilst cruising at Uni… he was quite clever he gave me a bj and then took everything from my pockets… It was mainly annoying – but learn my lesson if you do go cruising – do not carry your wallet.
 
I think the worse part was having a lecturer hand back my student uni pass – which he had found in the woods the night before… he did it on campus and in front of my friends.
 
8. The TV Crew and the Doggers
 
Whilst still in Kent – I went to my local area, and suddenly found it was overwhelmed with straight couples as dogging was the new big thing, and the following week there was a film crew there do an exposé on it – that will kill your mood.
 
Obviously I jest with a lot of this but there were some pretty rubbish times in there, but most of them I managed to dust myself off and carry on, and the rest I learnt from… Never mix food and sex… NEVER.