Deep dark past

One of my issues withh twitter is that in 140 characters I dont feel like I get my full personality across - and I hate it when I read my tweets and they seem naff, cheesy and sometimes a little desperate. I am almost grateful to be part of the family which makes me want to kill myself.

The only things worse are my blogs because they seem like high horsey, patronising Dr Phil style sermons... so to give you some background and truly welcome you into my world I decided to go through a series of my back stories... some will have some profound meaning, others will just be funny.... I am starting with a funny story which tells a lot about my early gay life...and is actually taken from the email I sent my uni friends (please dont judge me too harshly I was young and naive) :

I hope you are sitting confortably as I am about to
begin my saga, it is not a long tale but iI hope you
gain as much amusement from it as I did, and hopefully
you will learn a little something too!

On Sunday 25th of July, at approx 9pm I was cruising
the local layby [I know some of you will be disgusted by this but it was rural Kent and at the time I didnt have any gay friends to go to the Gay Bars with, so I had to take it where I could find it],
 minding my own business, having had a
fair bit of luck already, I was being slightly greedy
and hanging around for the last bit of lovin, when I
see a rather sexy bit of meat get out of his mercedes,
and I think yes I will have a piece of that, so I
creep closer shakin my ass, [*cringe* remember its from my distant past where I thought I was young and hot]
 like only I can, and it is
obvious I have caught his eye!

to set the scene a little more let me explain the
setting! the layby in off an A-road, which means its
fairly busy, however the between the layby and the
road is a slightly wooded area providing ample cover
for that dwell there, on the other side of the layby
is a steep bank which is densely wooded providing a
lovely area for the lovin,

I was on the the steep bank shakin my ass, waiting for
Mr mercedes to make his move, when I ook down to the
road and see none other than a police car, with its
lights a flashing, fear paralyses for a second, my
heart jumps to my mouth, and Idont move till I hear
the door of the car slam shut and the police man
shout, 'dont move, stay where u are' (now normally a
man telling me what to do in a uniform would be fairly
erotic, but on this occasion it somewhat dampened the
mood!)

Then the chase was on! I turned on my self ran up the
bank, and unlike how cat suggested I did not run and
scream like a girl hands flying in the air, instead
like the true SAS hero, I ran crouching low, ducking
branches, leaping logs, all the time the police man on
my tail, virtually screaming for me to stop, and not
only did I have to evade him but also the beacon of a
torch he had that was illuminating half of Kent!
luckily with my keen skills, agile and nimble body I
managed to out run the officer and the 1000w torch he
was carrying. then sneakily and steadily I climbed
along the bank, came back around and dropped behind a
lorry parked on the layby, only to notice that the
fecking police had parked their car right next to
mine! whats a boy to do! as im watching from my
crouching tiger pose, i notice one police has Mr.
mercedes and has handcuffed him and thrown him into
the back of the car, so nimbly I ran alongside the
lorry and back to my own car, only for the police man
to turn round at the last second and notice me, I
freeze, virtually passing out, and at the same time
prayin to all the gods that he not arrest me, luckily
this police man is after more meat, and merely shouts
'where do u think your going?' I reply in my most
innocent and angelic voice, 'I'm going home sir' sadly
he is not fooled, and says' you just wait there till I
get back,' lordy lordy now I'm in a pickle, there is a
car infront of me blocking me in and I cant get away,
but there is no chance in hell that I want to hang
around, I desperately try to ring people on my mob,
but sadly my phone cuts out, and I think poor Gemma
must have thought I was being gang raped, as all she
could hear was me whispering desperately, 'gemma....
gemma ... can you hear me... I think I'm in trouble'
luckily the police continue up into the woods and the
car infront pulls away, giving me enough time to drive
away, and not look back!

I'm sure there is a moral here somewhere but im not
sure what it is, or what one should learn from it! and
so here is wishing you much love, and hoping all is
well, I hope to hear from you all soon.

So there it is - my shame knows no ends - and I hope you found it amusing and enlightening. I wouldnt recommend cruising it's extremely dangerous and although I had some good times, some funny times, I also had some scary times... they are for future blogs.