Dating in the Dark!

Two of my friends are having dating dilemmas – one (my best friend) has over the last couple of years thrown herself into the mix and found it exciting but emotional, the other has been single for 8+ years and not had a date – so we are trying to convince her that internet dating is the way forward.

Unfortunately she is understandably nervous and wont commit to signing up, and partly because she has seen what my best friend has been through she feels like she doesn’t understand the rules of engagement and is a bit “in the dark” about how it works. So along with my best friend we have come up with some simple dating rules that I thought I’d share (from my stance of a smug coupledom), as I know a lot of my gay friends have been burnt by online dating and they seem to make “schoolboy errors”, and I thought you could add anything we have missed :

1. Don’t trust a thing they say.

Now this may seem cynical, but from the outset you don’t know these people and therefore to trust them completely as some seem to is a definite error. Of course they are charming, witty, relaxed, sociable, “into winter sports” and share all your interests, but in reality this is probably a complete lie – don’t forget they are actually trying to charm you.

2. Understand they may not trust you.

My best friend was horrified when someone asked how recent her picture was and whether she could send any more – I think this is fairly standard practice in the gay world and wouldn’t be seen as such a social faux pas – but still it does happen that people turn up and the person’s picture was actually taken in the 80s and since they have eaten… A LOT. In my misspent youth I fell victim to this trap a few times, so I would quickly ask for a recent picture, and wouldn’t be offended if someone questioned me to the nth degree about my waist size, chest size, how hairy I was, where I was hairy… its basically a way of not wasting everyone’s time.

3. Don’t engage in long drawn out conversations (with one caveat)

This is a difficult one to learn and can be a bit of a double edged sword. If you engage in long drawn out conversations online then you can get to the point where you get flirty, and you feel really comfortable, but then you set yourself up for a fail when you meet and there is no spark. Making the “I’m not into you” conversation even harder. However, if you arrange a date without having some discussion you could end up wasting 3 hours of your life on a date with someone you loathe. However, I do think if you are really nervous I think building up a good rapport online will take away a lot of the angst … so for those people I suggest the long-haul conversations.

4. Don’t get too drunk on the date

Although I think drinking does a lot to take away the nerves it also has the problem of clouding your judgement, making you forget almost everything they said, and making you lose all you inhibitions and decorum so you end up snogging people in the middle of Victoria Station in a gross sloppy groppy way, which frankly is wrong no matter what sexuality you are.

5. Get down to it

Aside from when incredibly drunk I don’t think there is a problem with getting down to it on a first date. I did with my bf of 5 years, and lots of my friends shagged their long term partner on their first date so never fear, but it does mean you have to be a more adult, and a bit more open and be ready for them not to call you up the next day.

6. Get heartbroken and get over it

I think it’s really important to dive into these things and really experience them and make sure that you’re open to getting your heartbroken, because surely its better that than worrying about it and never having even tried. But then an important factor is the getting over it… do it… man up and brush yourself off because ultimately there are plenty more guys out there – if you need to take revenge on the man that let you down, go on holiday with your mates, get drunk, eat ice-cream, text them in the night and call them c*nt but get make sure you get over it.

The above is mainly my interpretation from my best friend’s experience but I feel she summed it up more eloquently with the following:

·         Be prepared for a LOT of attention but with the majority from a LOT of weirdos.
·         Don’t expect to meet the love of your life on there.
·         Be realistic- most people on there are just looking for s**.
·         Be savvy- lots of people totally fabricate stuff for their profiles, grossly exaggerate or downright lie. Don’t believe everything they tell you. I think there is some serious photo-shopping of people onto ski slopes going on……..
·         Don’t chat to people with only one photo. Even mutants can take one good photo.
·         Be aware that lots of allegedly tall men may be on stilts/standing on the yellow pages.
·         Learn the lingo- ‘I’d like to meet you for good times’= s**. ‘I’d like to look into your eyes and recite poetry’= will bury you in a bath of sand.
·         Delete any who ask you to add them to FB/text them etc immediately.
·         Be aware that all men are c**** at the end of the day and will lead you on and then trample on your heart.

So ends today’s lesson.

Time for someone to take a break from dating I think!

Anyway I would welcome advice and suggestions from everyone…