I am sure this is a topic that is often covered and many people have already said what I am about to say, but I am going to say it my way.
On Saturday my timeline on Twitter was filled with a lot of negativity about Pride London, and mainly by people that werent there. I fully understand people not going. I didnt go. Not because I had an issue with it, but I had made other plans to go to a wedding before I realised, however I would have gone had I not realised.
Most of the people being critical of twitter were annoyed at the overly sexualised nature of Pride and the fact that people seemed to forget that it was about being proud of being gay and celebrating it, standing up for our rights, and raising money for charity.
I admit that Pride is quite sexual, there are the naked and near naked men (and it is mainly men although I dont think this is because our Lesbian friends are margialised as some claim) - but lets be fair we are quite sexual beings and part of our difference is about who we have sex with, so sex is going to be part of the day. And I also think that the day is meant to be part of the celebrations of all the many ways we have sex: dressed in leather, with bears, twinks, sparkles, which ever way we want. It is a hard mix to make work, because just as we all like to pretend we are open and liberal, there are some things we just wont get and seem weird. To me its rubber - I can understand it, I dont like the smell, it just seems overly complicated to deal with - how in god's name do you get into it - and I imagine it to be tight and uncomfortable. But I dont judge those that enjoy it - it's also their day to be proud as much as it is mine. So on this front I think we need to suck it up - we are sexual, it is what ties us - a non-practising gay (or lesbian) in my books is not a gay (or lesbian) - but at the end of the day we all enjoy different things.
Someone else I noticed said that they didnt need a special day to feel proud, they feel proud everyday. Well good for them, but I think they miss the point that it's not so easy or simple for everyone. I had a very supportive family and friends, I have rarely encountered homophobia, and I am obvious enough of a gayer that unless someone is blind and deaf they will realise I am gay and so I dont actually have an issue of having to surprise people with coming out! But even for me it's nice to have a day where I can walk down the street and hold hands with boyfriend and in the centre of town, right where a man was kicked to death for standing up to bullies. To be clear I am not a person that enjoys Public Displays of Affection and if someone tried to stop me from holding my boyfriends hand if I wanted to then they would have a fight, but I feel like I should have the opportunity, and if this day helps make it the normality then Pride is important just for that. Also though, I think there are others that don't live in Central London, they may not have the supportive family, friends, colleagues, and for one day it is nice for them to be totally surrounded by their community and feel normal, or even boring in the sea of gay faces. Again, this shouldn't be the case, but let's be real, it is, and so don't take it away from them and dont belittle it.
The other comment I saw on my timeline was about Pride being all about young hostile twinks covered in glitter giving such a strong Gay Face you're not sure if they are having a stroke. To be fair, the young pretties with a love for tan in a tube do seem to dominant but then it depends where you go and what you do. The parade is full of all sorts as is the parade route, and the bars just seem to be full of those that normally go there. I dont think you will find many young orange blonde skinny twinky types desperate to get into Comptons but yes you might have to put up with them on the street outside as it is pretty much packed so you stand where you can. Also I might add I always thought I hated these twinks but then my friend Stevo told me about it his outfit for pride... it consisted of a spray tan, an all white outfit, a Venice bejewelled eye-mask and angel wings - hmmm yes angel wings. Angel. Wings. I had to admit I thought "what the fuck?!?" But to be fair he looked the happiest I have ever seen him wearing it. I thought it was more appropriate for him to be supporting Kylie rather than stepping out in public, but to be honest, he is a copper, he has a stressful job where he deals with some real shit all day long, and if he wants to take this one day to wear Angel Wings then fuck it, who am I to worry.
So in conclusion, there is no problem with Pride - people need to either enjoy it or not go. Don't bitch about it and knock it for others - if it's not for you then JUST DON'T GO it ain't that hard.
(ranting post over)
Showing posts with label twink. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twink. Show all posts
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Twinks, Bears and Muscle Marys eh?!
I have been inspired to write this following some comments on my last blog. I wasn’t exactly sure if they weren’t appreciated or whether people agreed with them, so I will go into greater depth on my thoughts. I will add the caveat I am not a psychologist and this is based on purely my observations, so I would welcome any feedback.
I think we as gay men tend to become quite tribal. This isn’t an unusual concept, it is quite basic theory that we form groups, and people are either in-group or out-group. It helps people bond, share similar interest, and a way of perceiving others in relation to oneself. But one of the basic things is that people derive self-esteem from being part of the in-group and proving you are better than others in the out-group. This is all very basic and I am probably not doing it justice but there are plenty of places to read up about it if you are interested.
I think (I highlight it’s my opinion please feel free to disagree and argue against me) that we as gay men tend to form tribes, or groups, evenly more heavily because we feel like an out-group of wider society. This sounds very negative, but I don’t mean it as a negative, forming groups and sub-groups is useful, but the issue arises for me when it isn’t useful and for instance they become adversarial or become absurd. The best two examples of this I can think of are Twinks as having an adversarial relation with the community and the Bear community (which I would put myself in) as becoming absurd – please don’t lynch me and cover me in veet and strip me of all membership.
The twink community is a very important one, often maligned by others and frankly it’s because we are all jealous. I know this will lead to arched eyebrows and pursed lips, but I think when we look at them we think the age old saying, “youth is wasted on the young” – we think they have had it easy, they didn’t suffer the same way we did, they don’t know they are born, they don’t know their own community history and yet there they are mincing around in their XXS tshirts, skinny jeans, and high top boots – all of which we would look ridiculous in. But actually these boys (as normally they are) probably are going through the same rubbish we did, except they get bashed on twitter, on facebook, in their village, at their job, by other twinks and by the whole community who refer to them with a voice of disdain. But lest we forget we were all young once and I am sure more than one of us used our youth as a tool to get what we wanted so let us not resent them for using it as their shield.
Our own contempt at the tangoed, overplucked eyebrow gay-faced youth (gay face is that overly pouty dead-eye look they give) causes them to be hostile… and boy can these be hostile. They sneer, they b*tch, they seem to mock pretty much everyone, the feeling of enmity rolling off them makes them pretty much unapproachable and you feel old, fat and not welcome. But actually I am pretty sure under all the make-up, the AllSaints fashion and the designer underwear are young boys protecting themselves and their group. But I can’t help feel a bit sorry for them, because in ten years max they will have to hang-up their sparkly tshirts, get a proper haircut, go to the gym just to stay average and the horror of horrors decide which group they are going to try to belong to, or face the ultimate evil of being an old wannabe twink – the most maligned of them all. So my suggestion with them is try not to be so unsympathetic to them, and maybe just maybe they will crack a smile (with you, not at you).
*deep breath* *deep breath*
Ok, this is probably my most controversial part of the post – so bear with me (pun intended) whilst I speak about the Bears. I have a lot of love for Bearish community although I often find them to be slightly pessimistic, cynical, defensive and self imposed loners (of course this is a complete generalisation but it is based on my experiences).
I would technically describe myself as a cub (I think) but this is partly where the problem comes. When I was but a young hairy man there seemed to be 3 categories: Bears, Cubs, Chasers. That I could understand, and normally they were fairly easily spotted: Bear – Older, larger, generally top (although not always), hairy, possibly bearded or some facial hair; Cub – younger, smaller but above average, generally btm (although again not always), hairy, and generally some facial hair; Chasers – everyone else that fancied bears or cubs. Got it, easy peasy, makes sense, and I can follow it. But as I have got older it seems that these three sub-groups are no longer enough we have pups, otters, wolves, tigers, seals, muscle varieties of all of them – and this to me seems a step too far.
Ok we get it, you may not be a classical bear – you might not be large (fat), you might not be hairy, but is there a need to start forming sub-groups on our sub-groups? I personally think this is because the bears love a badge – I think they have found quite a sense of belonging under the Bear flag, which is particularly hard in a wider community that mainly promotes slim, defined, young men as the ideal. However for those that don’t fit neatly into the Bear category they have had to branch out into the animal kingdom however there is nonsense to this when the various sub-groups start to become adversarial because the whole idea of the Bear flag is to be inclusive. Oddly when you pour a lot of alcohol and bears, cubs, otters, the whole farmyard into a club (XXL) and stir well you get possibly the friendliest and most welcoming group I have ever encountered. However, in my youth I found especially online, hidden in their dens, I would get a lot of “you’re not a bear” or “you’re not a cub” from the classic bears to my advances, and anyone with the word muscle in their name would outright ignore me…! Of course they don’t have to fancy me, they don’t have want to be my best friend but don’t push me out of the group. This over the years (and the fact I find them very pessimistic) has led me to feel completely outside the bear community – I don’t feel any hostility towards them, but I don’t feel like I belong with them either, which is a shame as when I was growing up they were meant to be my refuge.
So now you’re thinking I am a bitter little hairy fat boy that was included in the gang – and maybe yeah I am – but I think we have all been the outsider so I think maybe we shouldn’t do it to each other. *Vom* Cheesefest! More importantly the bears or their kin can make it to me by sending naked self-pics to…
P.S. In relation to twitter I think these groups still exist, there are lots of various hashtags to show affiliation and new groups pop up all the time. But in the ever fluid world of twitter the boundaries seem to blur and it gets ever more complicated, but this chaos leads to a bit more openness – which I quite like - that is unless you’re #teamgaga against #teammadonna then there is no reconciliation.
P.P.S This isn’t an underhand dig at those with animal usernames on twitter or that are part of any of the communities… call yourself whatever you want.
I think we as gay men tend to become quite tribal. This isn’t an unusual concept, it is quite basic theory that we form groups, and people are either in-group or out-group. It helps people bond, share similar interest, and a way of perceiving others in relation to oneself. But one of the basic things is that people derive self-esteem from being part of the in-group and proving you are better than others in the out-group. This is all very basic and I am probably not doing it justice but there are plenty of places to read up about it if you are interested.
I think (I highlight it’s my opinion please feel free to disagree and argue against me) that we as gay men tend to form tribes, or groups, evenly more heavily because we feel like an out-group of wider society. This sounds very negative, but I don’t mean it as a negative, forming groups and sub-groups is useful, but the issue arises for me when it isn’t useful and for instance they become adversarial or become absurd. The best two examples of this I can think of are Twinks as having an adversarial relation with the community and the Bear community (which I would put myself in) as becoming absurd – please don’t lynch me and cover me in veet and strip me of all membership.
The twink community is a very important one, often maligned by others and frankly it’s because we are all jealous. I know this will lead to arched eyebrows and pursed lips, but I think when we look at them we think the age old saying, “youth is wasted on the young” – we think they have had it easy, they didn’t suffer the same way we did, they don’t know they are born, they don’t know their own community history and yet there they are mincing around in their XXS tshirts, skinny jeans, and high top boots – all of which we would look ridiculous in. But actually these boys (as normally they are) probably are going through the same rubbish we did, except they get bashed on twitter, on facebook, in their village, at their job, by other twinks and by the whole community who refer to them with a voice of disdain. But lest we forget we were all young once and I am sure more than one of us used our youth as a tool to get what we wanted so let us not resent them for using it as their shield.
Our own contempt at the tangoed, overplucked eyebrow gay-faced youth (gay face is that overly pouty dead-eye look they give) causes them to be hostile… and boy can these be hostile. They sneer, they b*tch, they seem to mock pretty much everyone, the feeling of enmity rolling off them makes them pretty much unapproachable and you feel old, fat and not welcome. But actually I am pretty sure under all the make-up, the AllSaints fashion and the designer underwear are young boys protecting themselves and their group. But I can’t help feel a bit sorry for them, because in ten years max they will have to hang-up their sparkly tshirts, get a proper haircut, go to the gym just to stay average and the horror of horrors decide which group they are going to try to belong to, or face the ultimate evil of being an old wannabe twink – the most maligned of them all. So my suggestion with them is try not to be so unsympathetic to them, and maybe just maybe they will crack a smile (with you, not at you).
*deep breath* *deep breath*
Ok, this is probably my most controversial part of the post – so bear with me (pun intended) whilst I speak about the Bears. I have a lot of love for Bearish community although I often find them to be slightly pessimistic, cynical, defensive and self imposed loners (of course this is a complete generalisation but it is based on my experiences).
I would technically describe myself as a cub (I think) but this is partly where the problem comes. When I was but a young hairy man there seemed to be 3 categories: Bears, Cubs, Chasers. That I could understand, and normally they were fairly easily spotted: Bear – Older, larger, generally top (although not always), hairy, possibly bearded or some facial hair; Cub – younger, smaller but above average, generally btm (although again not always), hairy, and generally some facial hair; Chasers – everyone else that fancied bears or cubs. Got it, easy peasy, makes sense, and I can follow it. But as I have got older it seems that these three sub-groups are no longer enough we have pups, otters, wolves, tigers, seals, muscle varieties of all of them – and this to me seems a step too far.
Ok we get it, you may not be a classical bear – you might not be large (fat), you might not be hairy, but is there a need to start forming sub-groups on our sub-groups? I personally think this is because the bears love a badge – I think they have found quite a sense of belonging under the Bear flag, which is particularly hard in a wider community that mainly promotes slim, defined, young men as the ideal. However for those that don’t fit neatly into the Bear category they have had to branch out into the animal kingdom however there is nonsense to this when the various sub-groups start to become adversarial because the whole idea of the Bear flag is to be inclusive. Oddly when you pour a lot of alcohol and bears, cubs, otters, the whole farmyard into a club (XXL) and stir well you get possibly the friendliest and most welcoming group I have ever encountered. However, in my youth I found especially online, hidden in their dens, I would get a lot of “you’re not a bear” or “you’re not a cub” from the classic bears to my advances, and anyone with the word muscle in their name would outright ignore me…! Of course they don’t have to fancy me, they don’t have want to be my best friend but don’t push me out of the group. This over the years (and the fact I find them very pessimistic) has led me to feel completely outside the bear community – I don’t feel any hostility towards them, but I don’t feel like I belong with them either, which is a shame as when I was growing up they were meant to be my refuge.
So now you’re thinking I am a bitter little hairy fat boy that was included in the gang – and maybe yeah I am – but I think we have all been the outsider so I think maybe we shouldn’t do it to each other. *Vom* Cheesefest! More importantly the bears or their kin can make it to me by sending naked self-pics to…
P.S. In relation to twitter I think these groups still exist, there are lots of various hashtags to show affiliation and new groups pop up all the time. But in the ever fluid world of twitter the boundaries seem to blur and it gets ever more complicated, but this chaos leads to a bit more openness – which I quite like - that is unless you’re #teamgaga against #teammadonna then there is no reconciliation.
P.P.S This isn’t an underhand dig at those with animal usernames on twitter or that are part of any of the communities… call yourself whatever you want.
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